So much of the work I am doing in therapy and 12 programs is based on my behaviors, the ways in which I deal with life, situations, surprises, anger, etc. I have learned so many great tools and am doing so much better. What is hard is when I look up and realize that I have sunk back into previous behaviors without realizing it and sometimes find I’ve been there again for days. That is so frustrating.
“Knowing” I’m going to have bad days doesn’t help. I usually don’t recognize the relapse immediately. (Maybe sometimes I do…). Of course once I realize what’s happening, that I have once again treated someone, or many someone’s, terribly, I start beating myself up, which compounds the problem. That leads to the guilt and shame, which in turn leads to the binging and anger, the isolating. I am asking my HP right now to help me to recognize the bad day immediately and give it to Him. I know that I am going to have bad days and I need to accept it and let it go… I can’t control life, what I can control is me. My attitude, my behavior, my eating, and the complete trust in my HP. Thank you God!